One Liners

Okay I stole this idea from dragonbutt, so sue me! :)~

You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Assassins do it from behind.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.

I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


4 responses to “One Liners

  1. Ahhhh, now I see. I still think you’re sniffing markers though.

  2. I don’t know what :::sniff sniff::: you’re talking about!

  3. You have just a little bit of blue on your nose.

  4. Airplane glue works better.

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