The New Barbie Line

* Abusive Boyfriend Ken:With asskickn’ leg action and pimpslap backhand. With cowboy boots and MD 20/20 bottle. Curses, mumbles when string is pulled.

* Married Life Ken: With Beer-bustin’ expanding waist*. Molded to recliner. With TV remote, beer, chips. Says “Shut up woman,” and “Git me a beer.” (*Waist cannot be reduced once expanded).

* Oprah Barbie:Push a button on her back and she actually speaks! Hold your very own talk show with topics like how tough math class really is, Ballerina barbie’s struggle with bulimia, Kens who wear Barbie’s clothes.

* Blue Collar Barbie:Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits and cashier’s aprons may be purchased separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.

* Homegirl Barbie: Truly a fly Barbie in midriff-bearing shirt and baggy jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories and plenty of attitude. Pull cord and says things like “I don’t think so,” “Dang, get outta my face,” and “You go, girl.” Teaches girls not to take crap from men.

* Trans-gender Barbie: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.

* Robotic Barbie: Hey, kids, experiment with an autonomous two-legged walking machine! After falling over she says “Control theory is hard. Damn these spike heels anyway!”

Okay maybe these aren’t available yet….but some day! Do you have any Barbie ideas?

Hat tip to Fester for inspiring this post.


5 responses to “The New Barbie Line

  1. “Trans-gender Barbie: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.” Noooooooooooooooooooo!!! Oh good gawd…what is this world coming too? Is nothing sacred anymore?



  2. Sorry Dazd……:::giggles::: I liked abusive boyfriend ken with ” asskickin leg action & pimpslap backhand”. 🙂

  3. It’s amazing how popular Barbie-doll have been the last 35 years. All these small equipmtns which was all over the floor after my daughter had played with it…mini-mini shoes, bags, gloves etc. etc. Did i ever get tired of tidy up all this small items from the floor.

  4. Hows about Divorce Barbie? You get Barbie and all of Kens stuff.

  5. I’d like to meet the girl they modeled Barbie after.

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