Where can a person get some Christmas spirit around here? What’s a person gotta do to get some Christmas Cheer? I’ve searched high and low for the spirit and have come up empty handed. I even tried to buy some on ebay but was outbid by some bozo at the last second. The vicious bastard deprived me of my holiday spirit! So I quickly shot him an email that simply stated “hohoho Merry F-ing Christmas Dumb-ass! I hope you choke on your friggin Holiday spirit buddy!”
I then ambled through amazon, but the only Christmas cheer available was all used and haggard…it would surely be defective. Bah!
Well there was no more putting it off, Even though I was devoid of any Holiday cheer it was time to set up our family Christmas tree. Our tree is of the artificial variety so therefore we must fluff our branches in order to make it look as if we just climbed Mt. Everest and cut down the beauty ourselves. Unfortunately when one is devoid of Holiday cheer one can only fluff so long before going mad and pouncing on said tree, and wrestling it to the ground. I’ve learned something very important this year though…it isn’t wise to wrestle one’s artificial tree to the ground and engage it in mortal combat lest you end up with an artificial branch sticking from your chest….OOOOWWEEE!
Then of course after you’ve beaten the tree into submission it is time to string the lights on the tree….And of course none of the sons-a-bitches work!!! So I head on down to our local Meijer to buy replacement bulbs which of course don’t work either. So then I head on back to meijer and just buy ALL NEW LIGHTS….HAHAHA take that you evil mojo which has been plaguing me all day. It’s okay, I’m okay, Really…move along people there’s nothing to see here.
Well the freakin Christmas tree was finally finished and we had our celebratory eggnog without any more mishaps. Oh and I finally found my Christmas spirit….All 90 proof. Heh!