My Birthday Weekend

Well my birthday was great. I woke up to a great breakfast which my daughter Katira had made for me. Then I opened my gifts…the kids were excited because they had used their own money to buy my gifts this year. Jose had gotten me a new wallet and inside the box with it was a JCPenney’s gift card. So Jose took me out to a nice Chinese restaurant for lunch and then to the mall to use my gift card. I actually ended up spending twice what he had given me…oops my bad! And for the Grand Finale we stopped by Starbucks for some mocha frappacinos….Mmmm. Dragon forgot to call me on my Birthday…can you believe it??? :::sniff, sniff::: Dissed by my own sister! I actually had to call her and she had some excuse, but I know what was keeping her occupied….she was too busy playing Diablo. I guess it’s too much to ask for her to remember her sister’s birthday which is the day after her own birthday.

After this double birthday weekend I thought I would post some “aging” funnies, so here they are for your enjoyment….I think!

LOVEMAKING TIPS FOR OLDER PERSONS

•  Put bifocals on. Double check that you’re with the right partner.
•  Set alarm on your clock for 2 minutes… in case you doze off in the middle.
•  Set the mood with lighting. Turn ’em ALL OFF !
•  Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin… just in case!
•  Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember what to scream out at the   end.

 Success at any age

• At age 4 success is…not peeing in your pants.
• At 12 success is . . . having friends.
• At 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
• At 20 success is . . . having sex.
• At 35 success is . . having money.
• At 50 success is . . . having money.
• At 60 success is . . . having sex.
• At 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
• At 75 success is . . . having friends.
• At 80 success is . . not peeing in your pants.

The Senility Prayer

God grant me the senility to forget
The people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

 

Age-O-Meter:
How many do you remember?

• 1. Blackjack chewing gum

• 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water

• 3. Candy cigarettes

• 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles

• 5. Coffee shops with table-side jukeboxes

• 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

• 7. Party lines

• 8. Newsreels before the movie

• 9. P. F. Flyers

• 10. Butch wax

• 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive – 6933)

• 12. Peashooters

• 13. Howdy Doody

• 14. 45 RPM records

• 15. S&H Green Stamps

• 16. Hi-fi’s

• 17. Metal ice trays with levers

• 18. Mimeograph paper

• 19. Blue flashbulbs

• 20. Beanie and Cecil

• 21. Roller skate keys

• 22. Cork popguns

• 23. Drive45;ins

• 24. Studebakers

• 25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 Cheer up – you’re still young
If you remembered 6-10 Hmmm – you’re getting older
If you remembered 16-25 You’re older than dirt!