Hey Could somebody pass the valium?

Okay this post is a humorous attempt at a very delicate subject for me right now. My daughter Katira got her driver’s permit yesterday…Holy Hell! Is it normal for me to be totally scared out of my wits, or am I over reacting? I feel excitement, yet there is a lingering feeling of dread that I cannot shake. Three things stand out in my mind right now:

  1. Our freakin auto insurance is going to more than double!!!
  2. My daughter is going to be driving on these crazy roads!!!
  3. I have to teach my daughter how to drive on these freakin crazy roads!!!!!!!!


Okay I feel better now….really I do. One bright point is that our insurance coverage doesn’t have to be adjusted until she gets her license, which won’t be until January. By then we’ll have gotten her a car that we can carry liability only on (One that doesn’t cost a human sacrifice) and that will help lower the cost a little. Of course she WILL be getting a part-time job and helping out on some of the expense. I think the part that scares me the most is the actual teaching her to drive. :::shudder::: Hopefully she hasn’t picked up any of Jose’s bad driving habits. 🙂

Hey if any of you has suggestions, or techniques that you used to teach your teens the art of driving, please feel free to share your stories here. I think I’m going to need all the help I can get.  And now in celebration of Katira’s latest achievement I thought a little driving humor might be appropriate, so following is some funny stuff in her honor.

Actual quotes from insurance statements

  1. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.
  2. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
  3. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face.
  4. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
  5. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
  6. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
  7. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
  8. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
  9. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
  10. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
  11. As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
  12. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
  13. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
  14. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
  15. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
  16. The car in front hit the pedestrian, but he got up so I hit him again.
  17. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
  18. I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight.
  19. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
  20. The telephone pole was approaching, I was attempting to swerve out of its way, when it struck my front end.

And a cute joke to end this post:

A Kentucky State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-75.  He
says to the teen driver, “Got any ID?”
The teen driver says, “Bout what?”



5 responses to “Hey Could somebody pass the valium?

  1. Empty parking lot, get a couple of cones or something to teach her to parallel park.

    Start off on quiet neighborhood roads to practice and gain confidence with stop signs, right of way and basic car handling.

    Good luck!

  2. dragonlady474

    Goldbloom, remember when I used to work at that auto insurance place? One day a man called in and told us he’d hit a deer and got mad because he had to pay the deductible. After listening to him swear and be a jerk for a few minutes I finally asked him, “Sir, did you think the deer would pay it?”

  3. I figured I would give you a laugh for the day. Back on my first day of Drivers Ed it was my turn at the wheel. I had never been behind the wheel of a car at all. I put the car in “R” for ride so I thought. Then pushed as hard as I could on the pedal. The car goes flying backwards and the teacher is hitting the break on his side and everyone in the back seat was yelling for help. Needless to say I figured out that “R” was for reverse. 🙂 Best of luck with the teaching. Just make sure you go over the gears with your daughter.

  4. Don’t really know what to tell you. I don’t remember when I learned to drive..just something I have always done. However, I did teach my younger sister as well as one of my daughters to drive. The one ting I insisted on was defensive driving. Simply put that means maintaining a safe distance..never tailgate and know who is behind you and on both sides of you at all times as well as always know where you are gonna go in case you have to duck and doge..like a bar ditch or the median..I seldom drive in the middle lane of three lane traffic…no place to run to in case of trouble.

    One other thing I insisted on was understanding the vehicle..how a motor works, how to check the oil and water and battery and how to change a flat.

    Teaching one to drive is fairly simple..it is just a matter of teaching how to start the vehicle and put it in gear and most people who can skate or ride a bicycle understand the basics of steering and braking..it is the safety part that comes hard for the youngsters..

  5. Thanks for the tips guys…I have a feeling I’ll be posting about my experience as Katira’s driving instructor.

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