Ponderisms

  • I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
    die of natural causes
  • Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
    a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
    ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
    replacement.
  • Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
  • There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
  • Life is sexually transmitted.
  • Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  • Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
    of nothing.
  • Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
    talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
    to criticism.
  • In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
    is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
    whole box to start a campfire?
  • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll
    squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
  • Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna
    eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.”
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
  • Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are
    going to look up there anyway?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
  • Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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3 responses to “Ponderisms

  1. All valid questions.

    I always wondered who was ever hungry enough to figure out how to eat an artichoke…

  2. Truly things to ponder. I will copy this for my personal treasure trove.

    I was nodding vigorously in agreement with the one about weeds. Maybe if we cultivate weeds, flowers will prosper-sort of reverse psychology for Mother Nature.

  3. Love the one about the campfire and matches…how true. All of those saying are great.

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